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how can I cry so much for someone I've never met? [Apr. 8th, 2009|09:09 pm]
[mood |crushedcrushed]


I've been following her blog for the last year - so Maddie was fine, great, happy - she made it!  Former preemie - when you go home life is good, right?

She developed a cough on the weekend, but I didn't think much about it.  She's been in the hospital before.  Then the Twitter tweets from her mother got a bit more frantic, up until she was intubated and then nothing.  The next time there was an update, she was gone.  I can't believe it - gone.  She was almost a year and a half years old.  She CAN'T die.  It's not right.  

Death of a child is the fear of any parent.  We have all sat there alone with out thoughts, wondering what life would be like without them.  The boil down point for me was that at the end of the day, I do not want to live in a world where Nicola doesn't exist.  I don't want.  I also can't imagine unraveling a child from your life.  Nicola inhabits 90% of the house - you can't take her out of the house without clearing the rest of it.  She's everywhere.  

I'm rambling.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep.  All night I went between dreaming of Maddie and waking up and not getting back to sleep.  Imagine what life is like for someone that actually MET her.  I am pathetic.